1 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:12,320 Ohh! 2 00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:20,720 - Thanks. - Thank you. 3 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:23,240 You won't be able to do that for much longer. 4 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:24,600 Which part? 5 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:25,880 Toss me about like a sack of radishes. 6 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:27,480 Yeah, I will. 7 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:29,400 You're sexier pregnant than you are not pregnant, 8 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:31,440 and it gives me super strength. 9 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,000 I'll fuck you 10 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:35,000 and then throw you up on top of the refrigerator. 11 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,840 What will I do up there? 12 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,120 I don't care. 13 00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:40,800 You know how we were talking 14 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:42,560 about doing the godparents thing? 15 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:44,120 You were talking about it 16 00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:45,560 because you want to ask that Irish writer dude 17 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:46,800 that you barely know. 18 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:49,160 I don't barely know him. 19 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:50,400 I know him. 20 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:52,240 I went to the same school as him. 21 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:53,920 And I just think it would be great 22 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,800 for our child to have someone 23 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:57,480 of that cultural significance in his life. 24 00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:58,760 In your life. 25 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,760 Anyway, you have to christen a child 26 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:04,240 if you want to have godparents, 27 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:05,880 so I think we should do that. 28 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:08,600 If I thought you halfway believed in any of that shit, 29 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:11,000 I'd christen it three times, but you don't. 30 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,160 We can't not christen the baby, Rob. 31 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:14,920 Why? It's bullshit. 32 00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,480 You know that godparents have to renounce the devil? 33 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:18,640 So what? 34 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:20,360 How weird is that? 35 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,840 A bunch of adults standing around a baby, 36 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:24,440 pretending to believe in the devil 37 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:25,560 so they can renounce him. 38 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,360 The baby won't know. 39 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:28,440 Yeah, but we'll know. 40 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,920 - We don't care. - I care. 41 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:34,160 Well, why don't we just have a naming ceremony? 42 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:35,760 Because that is a bullshit 43 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,240 California yoga retreat load of bullshit, 44 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:39,920 and my parents would kill me. 45 00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:41,600 The best case scenario 46 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,640 is we ask your Patrick O'Heaney to be godfather 47 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,960 and he's like "Okay," and then he changes his phone number 48 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,040 and writes a poem about what assholes we are. 49 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,520 Ohh. I don't know. 50 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:57,920 I just think there's pros 51 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,440 in raising your kid just a little bit religious. 52 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:03,040 Like, God is like the best friend of the lazy parent. 53 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:04,520 Why is the sun yellow? 54 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:06,480 Because God's favorite color is yellow. 55 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:10,080 Now go upstairs so I can give Dad a special hug 56 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:11,840 and make you a little sister. 57 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,040 Okay, well, that makes sense. 58 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:16,160 I mean, it all comes back to love. 59 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,120 Are you nervous about meeting my parents tomorrow? 60 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,120 Yeah, but manageably. 61 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,400 You? 62 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,120 Don't know. 63 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,040 My dad's pretty hard to talk to. 64 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,000 He's like a piece of granite with bushy eyebrows. 65 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:31,920 What about your mom? 66 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:33,440 She's magical. 67 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:34,880 You'll like her better than you like me. 68 00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,400 Great. 69 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:39,080 How's she doing in the boob department? 70 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:41,200 Well, she only has one 71 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:43,480 since her mastectomy a couple of years back, 72 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:46,120 but it's pretty big. 73 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:47,920 Oh. 74 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,320 Okay. 75 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:56,000 Terrible flight. 76 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:57,120 Turbulence. 77 00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:58,280 Oh. 78 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:00,280 - Fuckin' Ryanair. - Des. 79 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:01,840 They sat me next to a Turkish. 80 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:02,920 A Turkish what? 81 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,200 A Turkish man. 82 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:05,160 Right. 83 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:06,560 From Turkey. 84 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:07,640 Right, right. 85 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:11,040 Let me just check on the tea. 86 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,840 Doesn't get any better than this, does it? 87 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:18,040 - Your brother's place? - Oh, yeah, it's lovely. 88 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:19,480 He's doubled his money on this place. 89 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:21,040 He hasn't doubled his money, Dad. 90 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:22,360 The money doubled itself. 91 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,400 You know, he just sat there. 92 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:28,080 I'll go and help with the tea. 93 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:29,480 Where are you going? 94 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,680 - I love Ireland. - You're an American. 95 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,040 I'm sorry. 96 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:41,960 I was just saying I love Ireland. 97 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,360 Have you been? 98 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,680 I want to. 99 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,440 Ugh. 100 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,360 What've they been doing since they got here? 101 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:52,160 What have they been doing? You saw it. 102 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:54,800 Growing mushrooms out of their arseholes on my couch. 103 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,520 I told them I was going to the office earlier, 104 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,080 and I hid in the girls' bedroom 105 00:03:58,120 --> 00:03:59,720 just so I could have some fucking peace. 106 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,640 I had to take a piss into a sippy cup. 107 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,520 Can I tell them? This is taking too long. 108 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,920 No. You're an observer today, okay? Like the UN. 109 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,240 You say a syllable, and I'll cut your hands off. 110 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:15,320 Whatever happened to that Owen fella? 111 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:16,880 He was around for a while. 112 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:19,280 He moved to Africa, didn't he, Sha? 113 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:22,760 Hmm? Yeah. Yeah. He had to go to Africa. 114 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,760 He was a good man. 115 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:27,880 Well, I won't be running off to Africa any time soon. 116 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:29,640 I don't even know where it is. 117 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:36,760 So, uh, Mum, Dad, 118 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,400 we've got something we'd like to tell you-- 119 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,480 talk to you about. 120 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:43,720 Lovely news I think will make you very happy, 121 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:45,120 and that's... 122 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,480 we're getting married. 123 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,800 Congratulations. 124 00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:54,520 - Thanks, Mum. - I thought you were going to tell us 125 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,040 you were pregnant there for a minute. 126 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,280 And I'm pregnant. That's also part of this. 127 00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:07,320 Your dad will warm up. 128 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:08,840 I mean, Fergal and I are practically-- 129 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:10,560 I wouldn't say brothers yet 130 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,720 but maybe like cousins who are also good friends. 131 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:14,840 We really bonded when he came with me 132 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:16,240 to pick out the ring. 133 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:19,320 And we both laughed when your dad farted at the TV 134 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:20,800 when Tottenham scored that goal. 135 00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:22,480 Everybody laughed at that. 136 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:24,680 Yeah, but I think Fergal and I the hardest. 137 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:28,000 Hey, why don't we ask Fergal to be the godfather? 138 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:30,560 He's not technically an adult in the eyes of the Church. 139 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:32,200 What? 140 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:34,320 He missed his confirmation because he had the measles, 141 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,000 and then he refused to do it the following year 142 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,000 because he'd a growth spurt and a mustache by then. 143 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,080 Also, fuck him. I don't want him to do it. 144 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:42,240 Your mom cornered me at one point 145 00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:43,600 and asked me where I go to Mass. 146 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:44,640 What did you say? 147 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,040 Saint Mary's. 148 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:51,160 How are we feeling? 149 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:54,240 Fine, I guess. Not terrible. 150 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:57,480 I mean, emotionally, I suppose, I'm like... 151 00:05:57,520 --> 00:06:00,000 A dumpster fire. 152 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,800 A bit up and down. 153 00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:04,240 Good. Now, I do have something 154 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:07,240 that we need to discuss that is somewhat serious. 155 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:08,680 - It's full cancer now? - No, no. 156 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:10,320 No, it's not that. What it is, 157 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:11,960 we've been catching up on screenings 158 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,480 that your first doctor didn't do. 159 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,760 One of them is the combined test, 160 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,000 and that tells us if there's a chromosomal abnormality. 161 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:19,680 What does that mean? 162 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:21,360 It would mean that there's a higher risk 163 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:22,840 of your baby having Down syndrome. 164 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:26,360 Because in a geriatric pregnancy-- 165 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:27,560 Geriatric? 166 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,360 It's just a term. 167 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,240 But according to the combined test, 168 00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:36,000 you are looking at a 1 in 50 risk 169 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,240 that your child has Down syndrome. 170 00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:40,920 Well, Christ. 171 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,760 1 in 50? That's not that bad. 172 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,480 - What are you, a sadist? - Sharon. 173 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:46,840 No, why do I need to know that? 174 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:48,480 Because the risk should ideally be 175 00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:49,840 three times as low, 176 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:50,960 and I am required to tell you that 177 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:53,560 in case you need to prepare 178 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:56,960 for a substantially different child-rearing experience. 179 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,240 You know, some people decide 180 00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:03,000 they won't ever be ready for that. 181 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:06,960 Honey-- 182 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:16,800 Why-- 183 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:18,200 Where are my knickers? 184 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:19,280 - Uh-- - Where are my-- 185 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,920 Can you think up 186 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,400 or make up some good news 187 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:32,720 for the next time we come in? 188 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:34,600 Uh, okay. 189 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:37,480 Thank you. 190 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,360 Oh. Hey, Melissa, she just came in. 191 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:45,880 Okay. Thank you. 192 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:48,920 Where the hell have you been? 193 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,080 I walked to Croydon. 194 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:53,080 Okay. Is that far? 195 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:54,880 It's about 13 miles. 196 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,960 Well, if you ever need to do that again, 197 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,920 please let me shadow you from a block back or something. 198 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:02,000 Okay. 199 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,320 What are we going to do? 200 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:12,000 Why couldn't you come over here and got me pregnant ten years ago? 201 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,160 - What the hell were you doing then? - Nothing that cool. 202 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,800 Can't I just enjoy my fucking pregnancy? 203 00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:18,720 Why can't I go to the doctor one time 204 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:20,120 and not get a bombshell 205 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:21,960 that makes me want to just rip all my hair out? 206 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,720 Every time I see a happy pregnant woman on the street, 207 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:24,840 I want to punch her. 208 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:28,160 I know. 209 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:30,160 And I'm so sorry. 210 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,000 And I don't expect this 211 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:33,640 to make you feel better right now, 212 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:37,320 but the fucking math of it all is still in our favor, 213 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:40,640 even if it's worse math than most people get. 214 00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:41,920 I don't know. 215 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,600 Maths. 216 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:44,880 Maths. 217 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,080 Fuck maths. 218 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,640 Fuck each math. 219 00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:52,320 My uncle Kenny has Down syndrome, 220 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,360 and he's a cool guy. 221 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:55,880 - Your uncle Kenny? - Yeah. 222 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:57,840 He showed me my first picture of a boob. 223 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,920 It was in a breast health pamphlet or something. 224 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:01,520 Well, I'm sure your uncle Kenny 225 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:03,160 was great fun to hang out with when you were little, 226 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,760 but do you hang out with him now? 227 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,840 Because somebody has to. They need more help forever. 228 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,080 Are you ready for that? 229 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,040 Well, no. I haven't seen him in-- 230 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:11,640 But that's not the point. The point is-- 231 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:13,360 I don't know if I'm a good enough person 232 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:14,920 to be able to look after a disabled child. 233 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:16,280 Neither am I. 234 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:17,520 A friend of mine's brother 235 00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:18,960 had Down syndrome, 236 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,480 and his parents were still looking after him 237 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,080 when they were in their 70s. 238 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:24,160 And then the dad died, and it was just the mum left. 239 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,360 I used to see them in the supermarket, 240 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:30,160 and she never once looked anything but old 241 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,760 and really, really tired. 242 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:36,480 Well, who fucking whistles their way around a supermarket? 243 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,000 You know, maybe they went home and smoked a joint 244 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:41,560 and watched Judge Judy, and had a great time. 245 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,680 What do you want to do? 246 00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:52,320 Do you mind if we don't talk about it anymore? 247 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:55,880 It's not going to happen. 248 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:58,080 - But if it did-- - It's not. 249 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:00,120 Put it this way: imagine you've got 250 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,200 a 1 in 100 chance of winning the lottery. 251 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:03,400 It's 1 in 50. 252 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,000 Fine. 1 in 50 chance 253 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:06,960 of winning the lottery if you buy a ticket tomorrow. 254 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,240 Feeling good about your chances? 255 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:09,640 - No, but-- - There you go. 256 00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:11,120 If you're not going to win that, 257 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:12,520 why would you win this one? 258 00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:14,480 - That's a good point. - Side point, 259 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,320 the lottery is for mouth-breathing idiots 260 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:18,080 and should be illegal. 261 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:21,160 My cunt dad pissed away every paycheck at Ladbrokes 262 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,240 till the day he shot himself in our barn. 263 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,320 Fuck, that is good cake. 264 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:31,640 Ohh. By the way, 265 00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:33,160 Fran thinks I'm having an affair. 266 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,320 She found the receipts from all our din-dins 267 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:36,800 and jumped to conclusions, 268 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,240 so I had to tell her I'd been out with you. 269 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:39,920 - What? - It's all right. 270 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,320 She wants to meet with you and sort it out. 271 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,880 Why? No, I'm sorry. 272 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:46,960 This is not a good time 273 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:48,440 Don't be a bastard. 274 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,000 Life goes on. 275 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:53,000 So man up and talk to my wife for me. 276 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:58,840 "Spleeny"? 277 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,520 That's not a word. 278 00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:02,640 Yeah, it is. 279 00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:04,000 It is a word. 280 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:05,840 - Spleeny? - Yeah, spleeny. 281 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:09,800 Like, if I walk into a room with a pile of human spleens. 282 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,600 Yeah. You'd say, "It smells a bit spleeny in here." 283 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,880 What? No. We said we weren't looking things up. 284 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,440 Rob, don't-- Ohh. 285 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,880 Who's calling you? 286 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:22,880 Who's calling me? 287 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:24,040 Yeah. 288 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,880 Uh... Oh. Chris. 289 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,600 Fran found out Chris and I were dating, 290 00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:33,440 and he wants me to go and talk to her. 291 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,000 You bellend. 292 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:37,880 Spleeny works. 293 00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:39,360 That's-- You win. 294 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:41,560 Yes! Bananas! 295 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,040 So I think when you consider 296 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:46,640 everything that happened in the 14th century, 297 00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,280 complaining about whether you can find 298 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:51,720 a socket for your iPad charger, Kiki, 299 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:53,160 when you're on holiday with your parents-- 300 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:58,240 All right, turn to page 46, chapter 8. 301 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:00,000 Just read from there. 302 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:02,000 - Hello. - Hello. Is that Ms. Morris? 303 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:03,880 - Yep, it is. - Oh, great. 304 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:05,680 I thought I'd got the wrong number there. 305 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:07,120 I'm calling because Dr. Harris 306 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,520 did some tests with you the other day. 307 00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:09,920 - Yeah. - Yeah. 308 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:11,640 There was an error in the results. 309 00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:13,560 It turns out the chances of chromosomal abnormality 310 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,320 aren't 1 in 50, as you were told. 311 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,440 - Oh. Well-- - Mm. 312 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,040 Well, that's-- I mean, is that-- 313 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:21,120 It's actually closer to about 1 in 25. 314 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:22,640 Sorry about that. 315 00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,080 I'm not sure what happened there. 316 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,040 The doctor suggested you pop in 317 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,960 and chat about the option of amniocentesis. 318 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,040 He can recommend an expert in the field. 319 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,240 Let us know, okay? Sorry again. 320 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:33,840 - Bye, now. - Bye, now. 321 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,160 Oh, shit. Sorry. 322 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:55,840 It's okay. I've just been sick. 323 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:57,400 Just excuse me. 324 00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:03,600 Is she drunk? 325 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:05,480 She was drunk at the Christmas concert last year. 326 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,680 Ahem. 327 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,760 Mr. Norris isn't joining us? 328 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,200 No. 329 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,280 Now, it takes a week to get the test results. 330 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:16,520 You also have to know that the risk of miscarriage 331 00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:19,560 just from getting the test done does exist. 332 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:23,280 Ms. Morris? 333 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:26,120 Sorry. I was just, um, 334 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:27,920 I was just trying to work out 335 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,560 how I mentally cope with the nightmare scenario 336 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:34,960 of having a needle stuck in my belly into my baby's neck, 337 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:37,320 risking miscarriage. 338 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:39,280 I don't-- 339 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:42,400 I mean, can you say something to help? 340 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:44,920 You will have a much clearer picture 341 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:46,200 of your prospects 342 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:47,480 with the amnio. 343 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:50,800 Great. 344 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:53,120 Thanks. 345 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:57,040 Um... 346 00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:00,000 so I mean, was there anything else? 347 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:04,680 Is Mummy here? 348 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,240 Mummy? 349 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,480 Jesus, get in here. You're a mess. 350 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:13,800 Was Dad okay after we left? 351 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,720 Ah, he'll warm to it. 352 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:18,120 His heart did go out of rhythm, though, afterwards. 353 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,040 He had to take one of his pills and lie down. 354 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:21,120 Oh, please. 355 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,000 His heart went out of rhythm 356 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,400 because his only daughter is getting married? 357 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:26,040 - And pregnant. - Yeah, with a baby, 358 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:27,720 not a wombat. 359 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:29,000 Oh, yes, yes, yes. 360 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:31,200 Where have you come from? 361 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:32,680 I was at the doctor. 362 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:33,960 Why? 363 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,600 Well, because I'm pregnant. 364 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:37,560 You know, you go to the doctor when you're pregnant 365 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,080 so they can tell you if everything's okay, 366 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:40,680 you know, if there's any issues. 367 00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:43,280 You couldn't find out any of that stuff in my day. 368 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,120 In my day you had two choices: 369 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,240 you either liked what you had, or you didn't like it 370 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:48,840 and you buried it behind the old oak tree. 371 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,840 - God forgive me. - Mum! 372 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,880 Oh, God, no. I didn't. 373 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,760 Just-- Well, that's the way it was. 374 00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:01,160 But everything's all right, though, with you and the baby? 375 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:04,840 Oh, no! You knock-kneed fuckin' idiot! 376 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,120 Des! Mind your heart! 377 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:08,720 Yes, yes. 378 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:10,040 Couldn't be better. 379 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:13,520 Ah, that's great. 380 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:15,320 First, 381 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:19,200 I want to really, unreservedly apologize 382 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,200 for the way I behaved when we came to dinner. 383 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,200 That's okay. 384 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:26,520 I probably shouldn't have got quite so riled up. 385 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:29,120 Well, maybe a little bit when you were shouting 386 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:31,040 about shoving blueberries up arseholes. 387 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,840 Was it blueberries? I thought I said walnuts. 388 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:35,480 Well, that's neither here nor there. 389 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,440 No, no, I-- 390 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:38,760 So how's Jeffrey? 391 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:40,280 Jeffrey's great. 392 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:42,160 He's about to make his West End debut 393 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,080 with Alan Rickman. Lovely man. 394 00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:45,760 Do you know, he's nearly 70. 395 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:48,760 Still very muscular, though. 396 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,760 Anyway, Rob, 397 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,160 I'm sure you're aware 398 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,480 that Chris and I have had our little... 399 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,800 internal disagreements. 400 00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,120 He's a very tricky man. 401 00:15:58,160 --> 00:15:59,760 - Yeah, but he's-- - Very tricky. 402 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:01,760 Mm-hmm. 403 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,360 And he shouldn't have kept you for his secret. 404 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:07,360 because that makes me look like I'm... 405 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,840 like... 406 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,080 It's really hard being married. 407 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,120 Sometimes I just want to scream. 408 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:16,520 Maybe you should. 409 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,600 I mean, kids scream all the time, 410 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,560 and then they're happy the rest of the time. 411 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:21,960 And adults, 412 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,320 we try to just keep everything stuffed in a box 413 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:27,240 that explodes every once in a while and hurts people. 414 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:28,400 Yeah. 415 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:31,880 Well, Mister. 416 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,240 I really miss Sharon. 417 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,240 And you're not so bad yourself. 418 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:42,960 We'd love to give it another go with you guys. 419 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,640 Well, we could get together and scream, 420 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:47,080 just not at each other this time. 421 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:48,280 Funny. 422 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:49,720 You're funny. 423 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:52,800 Oh, Rob. 424 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,440 Mm. Mm! 425 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,400 This is-- No, we-- Chris. 426 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:06,520 - What-- - I was just-- 427 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:08,640 I'm sorry. 428 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:33,760 - Hey. - Hi. 429 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:39,280 - There's something-- - I've been to the doctor 430 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,000 without telling you 431 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:42,560 because, um, they rang 432 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,280 and said that chances are higher than they thought. 433 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:46,560 Sorry. 434 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,680 And sorry I haven't been talking to you. 435 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:49,880 That's okay. 436 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,280 It's because I can't. 437 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,640 I mean there's parts of my heart and my brain 438 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:56,200 that I can't even visit right now. 439 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:59,320 But I want to know. 440 00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:01,160 I mean, I don't know what I'll-- 441 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,160 what we will do when we find out 442 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:04,960 because I can't even-- 443 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,680 All I know is I need to know. 444 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:12,440 At least we can see him quickly, 445 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,040 since there's, like, eight people in the country 446 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,000 - who can afford him. - They say he's the best. 447 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,480 He says he's the best. So arrogant. 448 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:20,360 He looks like Elton John on his website. 449 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,200 Or like if Elton John had a baby and Kanye West raised it. 450 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:26,480 He's the Kanye West of Amniocentesis. 451 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:29,320 Are you okay? 452 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,560 What a smug fucker. 453 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:37,000 Smugger than a doctor and an architect combined. 454 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:40,600 Can't believe he referred to himself as "Magic Fingers." 455 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,400 I want to be like that. 456 00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:44,400 I want to be a confident clown. 457 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,560 God, he smelled good, too, didn't he? 458 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:47,680 Oh, yeah. 459 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:48,920 What was that? 460 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,120 That fucking needle, though. 461 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,160 Sorry I sent you out of the room. 462 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,440 I would've let you stay if you weren't audibly crying, 463 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,800 you know, if there hadn't been a noise component. 464 00:18:57,840 --> 00:18:59,720 I cannot believe it didn't hurt. 465 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,520 It didn't. 466 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,560 I'll see that needle in my nightmares 467 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,600 until the day I die, but it didn't hurt. 468 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:07,720 You're going to be a champ giving birth. 469 00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:09,720 You'll just yawn, and it'll fall right out. 470 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:11,440 Because of my roomy vagina? 471 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,840 Hey, I mean, it's like a cozy little room, 472 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,880 like a laundry room, not like a meeting hall. 473 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:21,480 - Hi. - Hey. 474 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:22,760 How are you? 475 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:24,560 Come in. Come in. 476 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,040 Is Rob home? 477 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,240 No. No, don't worry. I know all about it. 478 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:33,720 Oh. Okay. 479 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,160 What did he say? 480 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:36,560 Just that he was sorry 481 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,200 and, you know, it must seem weird. 482 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:39,760 Silly. 483 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,120 I'm just glad it's all out in the open. 484 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:42,120 Oh. 485 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,400 You're very kind. 486 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:46,200 It was just one kiss. 487 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:48,600 Sorry. What? 488 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,240 I think Rob and I both regret what happened. 489 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,040 Rob and I kissed. 490 00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:58,720 It was just a moment's nothing. 491 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:02,000 It was just-- 492 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,040 I'm very sorry. 493 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:07,160 Ohh. 494 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,640 I had a visitor today. 495 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:13,960 Really? 496 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,280 Yeah, really. 497 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,080 Fran came to see me. 498 00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:18,400 Oh, well-- 499 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:19,520 Did you sleep with Fran? 500 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:21,720 Oh, my God, no. 501 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:23,200 Is that what you-- 502 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:25,720 No, no, no, no, no, no. She kissed me. 503 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,760 She practically ate a piece of my gum. 504 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,240 The reason that I didn't say anything 505 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,680 is because I didn't want to embarrass her. 506 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:33,120 You gotta believe me. 507 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:34,760 I don't know what to believe, Rob. 508 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,440 This has totally backfired. I was only trying to-- 509 00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:40,760 Of course I believe you. 510 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:42,880 You son of a bitch! 511 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,760 Your face. 512 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,080 Oh, you're on your knees. 513 00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,080 Oh, that's so good. 514 00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:52,880 I might have got a bit carried away, though. 515 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:55,880 I asked them to be godparents. 516 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:58,120 At least they've got money if we die. 517 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,920 Hello. 518 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:17,000 Yeah. 519 00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:23,520 Okay. Yeah. 520 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:24,840 Thank you very much. 521 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:41,120 You okay, Miss? 522 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:42,480 Yeah, I'm great. 523 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,120 You can't lie there. 524 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,840 I'm just waiting for my fiancé. 525 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:49,960 - Are you okay? - Yeah. 526 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,440 Uh, the hospital just called. 527 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:01,240 So it's all okay. 528 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:15,560 I'll see you in a few months. 529 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,400 All right, love. 530 00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:19,400 Now don't forget to eat. 531 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:22,120 - Bye, Dad. - Goodbye, dear. 532 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:23,880 - Listen, just-- - Oh, no, don't be silly. 533 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,040 No, no, no. For the baby. 534 00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:28,080 Bye. 535 00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:37,800 For fuck's sake. 536 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:56,520 Sorry. 537 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:00,320 She's gorgeous. 538 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:02,880 She is, isn't she? 539 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,200 ♪ Ah, but I may as well 540 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,840 ♪ Try and catch the wind 541 00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:31,600 ♪ When rain has hung the leaves with tears ♪ 542 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:33,640 ♪ I want you near 543 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,800 ♪ To kill my fears 544 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:41,960 ♪ To help me to leave all my blues behind ♪ 545 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:47,400 ♪ For standing in your heart 546 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:51,440 ♪ Is where I want to be...